Before you accept the narrative that you are "Self sabotaging," ask yourself: Do I really want the goal?

The idea of self sabotage as a trendy topic in the mental health world is age-old. I have always had a subtle aversion to it mainly because the definition of it seems to undermine almost everything else we know about human protective factors. Even if coping skills are no longer serving us, at one point they did- often helping us physically or emotionally survive; so why talk about survival tactics or coping skills under the guise that there is something inherently wrong with us?

I have found a more accurate question than "why do I self sabotage?" is often:

—Do I actually want the goal?

AND/OR

-Am I adverse to steps of reaching said goal?

And if the answer is no- I don't really want that thing or I don't really want to do the things that would bring me there- especially to the first question, we now have an opportunity to change the goal and ultimately reach what we truly desire.